sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
