Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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