I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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