Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
