I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
