you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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