I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
