the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize