Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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