"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
