i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
