Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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