she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
