My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
