All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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