So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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