I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
