id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
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