if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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