He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Sorry about my life...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
