He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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