I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
