so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
