What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
