I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
