so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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