Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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