Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
