she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
