I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize