I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high people should be assigned attendants
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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