i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
