For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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