i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
