Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
