You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
