okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize