I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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