I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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