sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
