There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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