y did u give ur computer a hand job?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
