We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
