I think my vagina is haunted
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
