Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
