chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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