so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
