1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
