never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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