I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
