Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
