Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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