i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
