even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
