found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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