I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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