I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
