I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
