Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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