No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
