Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
