I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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