i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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