we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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